I really want one of these!
truth.
“It’s like forgetting, the words to your favorite song, you can’t believe it you were always singing along, It was so easy and the words so sweet, You can’t remember you try to feel the beat.”
It’s true. I am forgetting who I am. I am cringing away inside, I’m forgetting everything that is important in my life and I am on thin ice with my loved one because of how I am taking my feelings out on the ones I care for the most. I don’t know what I need to do to change it. I’m so lost. I forgot everything good and just focus on the bad. I guess it started when I thought about death a lot about a year ago when everything started spiraling downwards, in every situation I thought about how death could be right around the corner and started getting scared to do anything with my life in fear of dying. I didn’t want that at all but it’s how I was thinking.
Everything was so sweet that summer right before that fall. I had a wonderful boy best friend who I was falling madly in love with since the first time I saw him. We would just talk constantly about whatever but I left out the whole scared of dying thing. He helped me to be positive about my life and helped me out when I needed it the most. Things were not going that great with my roommates who acted more like my parents than my friends because they were a couple. It just sucked because I really missed my friend Brittney a lot. She was such a sweet person. I didn’t know how to deal with it at all I was becoming alone and freaking out with anxiety attacks a lot around people that I used to be so comfortable being around, I was shrinking inside of myself because of all the negativity around me. I didn’t know how to get away from it so I just let it happen, and now I regret it because I just want to be that happy positive person again. I want my life back and I want to be the best girlfriend because I truly have a wonderful man in my life who doesn’t get the credit he deserves. I love him so much but just keep hurting him with my negativity and being depressed, and I need to get out of this rut before I lose him for good. He is the best thing that ever happened in my life.
I think that I just need to try to focus on the good. What I am doing to improve my life and get away from this job that I am at because I have so much time on my hands just to think about everything in my head and get down on myself. I need to keep busy and do things instead of being the procrastinator that I am. I need to get on my feet and so something with my life to get out of this rut. So I need to get a new job. Something that will keep me busy, and I want to go back to school.
I will remember the words to my favorite song. No more forgetting. I’m coming back stronger than ever. Starting now. Today. This is me.
